


a Heck of a Problem

by aphoenixinwriting



Category: The Middle
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:24:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphoenixinwriting/pseuds/aphoenixinwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After learning they were each other's first kiss, Sean and Axl have different reactions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Bushel and a Heck

**Author's Note:**

> Sean is first, then Axl. 
> 
> I was inspired to write this. I almost never write non-canon, but the fact they kissed is canon. So here we go. Shipping DonaHeck!

_Get a grip, Sean. Just relax._

I kind of knew my first kiss was Axl. Ok. I didn't but I am not quite disgusted by it. In fact, I might even like it.

Of course I am not gay. I mean, liking your best friend doesn't make you gay and I never said I like him. Because I don't like him. That's for sure.

"I am a much better kisser now."

_Prove it._ But I shouldn't say that. Of course I am smarter than Axl I could manipulate him into kissing me. I'm not that type of person. What kind of friend would do that? _Axl._

How could I sit here and watch this stupid movie knowing my first kiss was Axl?

He smells like popcorn and Axe Hurricane. I don't know why my body seems to be responding to his scent. Must be because I'm thinking about it. Yeah, that's it, because I'm thinking about it.

_Not gay. Not gay? Not gay!_

"I have kissed 38 women."

I can pretend that didn't sting. But I don't need to pretend. It didn't sting. I'm a man. He's a man. We don't like each other and I'm not hurt by that.

"I'm still in the single digits but I have better grades."

_Way to go, Sean, you're pathetic._ I haven't had sex in two years.

"I lost my virginity to Cassidy."

_Shut up, Axl._

Ok. That one hurt. Axl is not looking at me. He is actually trying to watch the movie. How could he sit there and actually watch this movie in a time like this? Is he avoiding me? Of course he's avoiding me.

He has no facial hair at all. Its kind of cute that he can't grow facial hair. No. I do not think he's cute. Never. Its not like Axl was the cutest boy at Orson high. It's not like I noticed. I didn't notice. I just listened to all the girls talk about how cute he was.

I don't even know how to do this. Why is this movie not over? How long do I have to sit here?

I wish my mom didn't hate me. I could use someone to talk to about this. She isn't the most open-minded person, but still it would be nice to talk to someone. Not that there is anything to talk about, because there isn't.

Whatever happened to Brad? He would be perfect to talk to. He's not my type. Not that I have a type. Brad is sweet but so campy.

Axl is touching me. _Ok. Get a grip. You can do this, Sean_. _Deep breath._ Act natural and not like your insides are suddenly ball room dancing.

It was only a kiss when we were twelve. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm a Donahue we don't act like this. He is still touching me. And his hand is gone. _Put it back._

So maybe I am into Axl. Is that the end of the world? Yes. Nothing could ever happen.

Why is this movie so long? Should I make an excuse to leave? Should I put my arm around him?

Axl and I "talk" after the movie. We high five and I hold his hand a bit. Oh crap. There it is again. He releases and walks away. I swoon. _Stop it, Sean._

I didn't watch him leave, I just made sure he was actually gone before I flipped out and called Darrin. I totally didn't look at his butt. The best butt in the class of 2013, at least some people might think so. I am not one of them. _Am I?_

Darrin drove my car. We drove around in silence for a while. I needed to get it off my chest.

"Axl and I kissed in middle school and I think I might be in love with him."

There like pulling duct tape off your arm. Not really. This is less painful.

"I know that."

"What? How could you have known, I didn't even know?"

"I've known you two since pre-school."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Mom said it was rude."

"Your mom knows too?"

I am embarrassed. Darrin's mom is a kind lady. I shouldn't be embarrassed. She isn't going to tell the neighborhood. She would have done it already. _Is there something to tell?_

"I'm surprised it took you this long."

_I'm surprised it happened at all._ But I don't say that. How could I? What would my mother say? What would Axl's mother say?

"Where do I go from here?"

"If it were me I'd talk to my mom. Then to Axl."

"I'm never going near Axl ever again."

"Why?"

_Because. Because. Because._

He smells really good. He makes my heart do this weird thing. I can't seem to find my breath when I'm around him. Sometimes I want to wrap his curls around my fingers and give them a nice tug. Sometimes I want to stare into those sparkly eyes for hours. _That is so gay. Oh crap._

I give him a look. It takes him a long time. But this is Darrin. He drives me and my car back to my parents house and then walks home.

I have to beg him not to stop and talk to Axl.

Nancy is waiting up for me. She's drying the dishes from the day. I take a deep breath and go inside.

Am I really doing this? What if its just a phase? Ok. I know that's not true.

"Mom," I begin.

Mom and Dad have always been strict but fair. Growing up they put a lot of pressure on me. I guess that's why I cracked and became a vegan.

She won't look at me.

"Axl was my first kiss and I think I like him."

I have no idea why I'm holding my breath.

I cringe. This is difficult.

"So you're gay now too?" That was way harsher than I expected.

"I didn't say that."

"So what is this then?"

"I don't know. I realized at the movie tonight that I might have a crush on him."

"Haven't you embarrassed your father and me enough?"

And I leave. I have no idea where I'm going. Yes I do. I'm going to the Hecks. Mr. Heck invites me in and I go to Axl and Brick's room.

"Hey, Sean," Axl acts like nothing changed but it did. _How is he not freaking out?_

"Can I stay here tonight? I had a fight with my mom."

Axl sleeps in his boxers. I don't sleep right away. I am definitely not counting his chest hairs. I am absolutely not watching his chest fall up and down as he breathes.

Axl's bed dips in the center and he slides against me in the middle of the night. _Crap. Crap. Crap. Do not touch him, Sean. Don't do it._

 


	2. Don't-a-Hue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axl's thoughts after leaving the theater.

Sean is being weird. So we kissed as preteens. Who cares? _Maybe I care. I don't care._ I've been with 38 women. Sean's kiss wasn't even that good. _Not that I remember it._ He did say he has gotten better. _That could be something_. But it's not like I want to find out. You don't kiss your bros, you just don't.

Sitting through that god-awful movie was so awkward. He kept staring at me. I was trying to avoid him. Ugh. And now I have to worry about Sean. He was acting kinda weird during the movie. Things might not be so cool between us.

"We're still bros right?" I high fived him. He held on. _What gives?_

I am ok with the gay thing. I really am. I'm gay bait. I've known that for years. Everyone wants a piece of the Axe-Man. But I have never been with a guy. _At least I don't think so. I was really drunk at that party…_

It'd be like being intimate with Sue. _Gross. Ew. No._ I physically shake the thought off and mime gagging.

Sue's friend Brad is gay. He's an ok guy. I haven't spent much time with him, and it's not because he's gay, it's because he's Sue's friend. You don't hang with your sister's friends. It's Sibling Code. But he's good to my sister, so he's okay, I guess. _I will never admit that to anymore._

Why am I even thinking about this? Sean is not gay. That's not why he's being weird. _Right?_

Its weird to find out my first kiss was with Sean. _At least it wasn't Darrin._ Its not the end of the world.

"Axl," Mom grabs me by the elbow. I roll my eyes and groan.

"What did I tell you about grabbing me in public?" I try to wiggle free but she has a death grip on my arm. She must be pissed. What did I do? Ugh. Come on!

"Whoa, I didn't do it."

But she wasn't into negotiating. Sean was my ride here. I guess I wouldn't be leaving with him. I bang my head on the window. I hope Brick and hear me rolling my eyes to him going on about _Planet Nowhere._ I don't care, Brick.

On second thought, it might be nice to talk to Brick about this. He's smart-ish. He's a little weird, but we are just that family.

"Brick, you're smart, can I get your advice. When I was twelve I had my first kiss. Turns out it wasn't a girl. It was Sean."

"I just don't understand why they would think Hugh Jackman is the fit to be in _Planet Nowhere_."

"He's great as Wolverine. But does this make Sean gay. I mean, I am obviously not gay. I haven't kissed a guy since Sean or thought about it either." _What happened at that party?_

"Sure he was a good Wolverine, but that doesn't make him right for this part. He's going to mess it up. They should just stop the whole movie. Its a really bad idea–I really don't know what you're talking about, Axl."

"I know you don't, Brick."

Talking to Brick was like talking to a grasshopper. Ugh. Why did I pick Brick? Sue would be better than Brick. _I must be desperate._

Sue is doing her dork thing. _What is she doing?_ Lying on her bed facing the ceiling and smiling. That's normal Sue behavior. She basically barfs unicorns.

"Can we talk?" I shut her door behind me. Sue sighs.

"What do you want, Axl?"

"I need some advice. Sean and I had an interesting discovery and it might make things awkward between us. Should I talk to him or let it go?"

"Talk it out. But this is you and it is Sean so it might be best to just let it go. I kissed Logan."

_Who the hell is Logan?_

Ugh. _Stupid Sue._ I throw a pillow at her and leave. Sisters should be illegal. Mom and Dad should have stopped with me. They had one perfect child. I have no idea why they continued to reproduce.

Mom and Dad are fighting. Its not a good time to talk to them. Not that I would. That's a can of worms I would rather bury in the Glossners yard.

It meant nothing. Sean was probably just freaked out. He has been kinda weird lately. The whole new look and attitude. I knew he would crack eventually, walking into the Donahue house I get a wedgie I can only imagine what living there is like.

It might not be me at all. I'm off the hook. There is ten pounds off my shoulders. Let's look at hotties on the internet. Scarlett Johansson here I come.

" _Planet Nowhere_ is sacred. Can't Hollywood see that?" Brick says from his bed. I hang my head. Dammit. I forgot Brick was still here.

"No, Brick, they can't. Its been made. there is nothing you can do."

"They should have gotten Meryl Streep as Princess Kalikari."

"Ugh no offense to Meryl Streep but she's not hot at all. I mean, I could kinda see it in _Devil Wears Prada,_ but nothing since then."

"She is one of the greatest actresses of her generation, Axl."

_I've seen Devil Wears Prada. I'm not ashamed. It's my Mommy and Me time._

"How would you know?"

Brick and I argue Meryl Streep for twenty more minutes before I decide its time for bed.

Sean is here. _This isn't weird. It's like nothing happened._ He had a fight with his mom. I have never seen Mrs. Donahue so upset with Sean.

I let him crash in my bed with me. We used to do this all the time. Nothing's changed.

Sometime during the night I fall into the groove of my bed. I wind up pressed against Sean. _He's so warm and fuzzy it's like cuddling with Chewbacca._ Sean's arm rubs my back. _Oh? What? No. He probably didn't mean it._

"Good night, Axl," Sean whispers. I roll away from him but the groove in my bed puts me right back against him.

Did he just tug on my hair? It could have been an accident. Then again I think I felt his hand actually grip it. He's massaging my scalp. _Now I know why cats like it so much._

"Thanks for letting me crash."

I didn't respond. It's not anything new. I wiggle a little to get away from him again but keep sliding back into him. I stop fighting it. I look over at Brick. He's sleeping and doesn't notice anything. _Is this ok?_

Sean's thick arms lay beside me. I can feel them near my back. He's breathing normally which means he's not asleep yet. _I could roll over… Stop it, Axl. This is weird. Things aren't the same anymore._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axl Heck is very hard to write for. I think it's mostly Charlie McDermott. He's so good as Axl. How the writers keep Axl consistent is beyond me. 
> 
> We have a very sad Sean chapter coming up next. 
> 
> Also, thanks to those who read and commented.


	3. I Darrin You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axl and Sean have a movie night...but Darrin shows up.

Axl is so beautiful in the morning. Not that I watched the way the sun silhouetted his face or the way his curls fell on the pillow. I just know. It's common knowledge that Axl Heck is beautiful. I mean, every one knows that. _Right?_

"Sean," said Brick tapping me on the shoulder. I was shaken out of my Axl-induced haze. "Your parents are here."

Why? Brick stayed behind. This was probably not something he needed to hear anyway.

My mother was sitting next to three duffle bags. Mr. Heck was already at work and Mrs. Heck was in the kitchen out of hearing distance. My dad refused to look at me. Mom shoves a bag of my clothes at me with force.

"I told your father what you told me and I am sorry, Sean, but we can't have that sort of behavior in our house. What would the neighbor's say?" How could they do this?

"That you're good parents who support your kids!"

"Don't sass your mother!"  
My dad looks past me when he speaks. _Look at me!_

"Yes, sir. Sorry, Mom."

"We can't have you staying in our house. Frankie and Mike have agreed to let you stay here."

"Did you tell them why?" _Oh crap. Please no. No. They can't know about me and Axl._

"I told them you had been with a boy at school in the biblical sense and they didn't ask any questions. I wouldn't dare tell then the truth."

"How could you tell them that?"

I have never been with a guy that way. Why would they say that?

"I wouldn't dare throw their son under the bus when he might be innocent in all of this." When has Axl ever been innocent?

I can't respond to that. I shake my head and sit on the Heck's couch. Brick finally comes in for breakfast and my parents decide to wrap it up.

They give me the keys to my car, a casserole mom baked for the Heck's, and a fifty.

"Will you drive me to school?" Brick asks.

"Yeah," I say with my voice hoarse.

Why does this bother me so much? I am a grown man. My parents have no legal say over what I do. But I was raised to respect them.

Axl is getting dressed for school when I get back from dropping off Brick. His first class starts at nine. I sit on the groove of his bed.

"My parents kicked me out," I tell him as I reach out to lightly stroke his hand. _He has soft hands like a girl._ He doesn't pull back until he has to zip his pants. _You could let me do that._ I felt my face redden a bit.

"That sucks. My parents always talk about how they don't want me here. But Mom would never actually kick me out."

We should get our own place and a cat. We can name it Thor and have a real good life. I could get a job and support him.

I paw at him but he turns around as I am reaching for him and I grab his butt by mistake. Axl freezes but doesn't react. That's unlike him. He doesn't look at me.

"So uh, I get out of my last class at three. Maybe we could hang out tonight. I'm gonna stop by Orson Video and rent something. I thought maybe _Reservoir Dogs_. I could order a pizza. Movie night."

Like a date? Is this a date?

"Yeah alright."

"Cool. I will see you later then."

I maybe have a date with Axl. I lie back on his bed and try not to smile. This is happening so fast. Axl might have asked me on a date. Should I shave? _Only if you want to make out._

Is this what I really want? _No._ I want my parents to respect me. But I want Axl to hold me.

"Sean," Mrs. Heck called out.

Its just us in the house now. She is sitting at the table holding a coffee cup.

"Thank you, Mrs. Heck, for opening your home to me."

"Not so fast. I told Ron and Nancy you can stay but Mike and I have some rules. We don't know all the details of your situation, but we are not comfortable with you being alone with Axl. Now, don't get me wrong. We're fine with Brad. We aren't those kind of people. Try to understand."

Well…they're a little more understanding than my parents so that's a silver lining at least. I understand where they're coming from. They don't trust me with their son. It'd be the same if I were interested in Sue rather than Axl.

I feel like crying. There goes my Maybe-Date with Axl.

To my surprise Mrs. Heck hugs me. It got weird. She's obviously trying to nurture but its not working.

"Axl and I had plans to get pizza and watch a movie tonight."

"That's not happening unless you invite Darrin."

I could invite Darrin and his girlfriend and we can double date.

"Any other rules?" I ask to be polite.

"Yes. If you have guests they stay in the living room. No canoodling in front of Brick. He's a bit too _Brick_ for that."

I kind of chuckle. She grins at me. What exactly does she think I'm gonna do anyway?

I begin doing some chores while she goes to work. I am meant to pick up Brick after school. I clean their entire house and begin a load of Sue's laundry. I pick Brick up from school, help him with his homework, walk Doris, and clean the entire house from top to bottom.

I have enough time to trim my beard, brush my hair, and shower before the Heck's get home. I call Darrin and ask him to bring his new girlfriend over.

"Wow, I'm definitely keeping you," Mrs. Heck said when she got home from work at five. I prepared dinner for them. I made some mac and cheese for Axl because I know he loves it.

"Yeah, you're a better brother than Axl," said Brick.

_I'm sure that's not true._ Axl gets home from school and stares at me with an eye brow raised. He puts his hand on my arm for a moment then gives me a nudge.

"What movie did you rent?" Mr. Heck asks.

" _Reservoir Dogs._ "

I watch Mr and Mrs. Heck exchange a look. Axl doesn't pick up on it. I don't get it.

"Darrin and Shelby will be here at six," I tell Axl.

"I don't want Darrin coming over," Axl said loudly. He took his clothes off and got into his underwear. I tried not to stare in front of Mr. and Mrs. Heck but it was just so weird. Mrs. Heck grabbed Axl's clothes and threw them at him and told him to cover up if they're having guests.

"I'm gonna shower," Axl said and left. "We'll talk about the Darrin thing in a minute."

Axl came out of the bathroom wearing a nice shirt and tight jeans. He had fluffed his curls up and sprayed on some of his Axe body spray. He plopped down between me and Mr. Heck on the couch and touched my hand for a moment and I saw him looking at him.

"I don't want Darrin here," Axl said again.

"He's our friend," I said.

"He hurt Sue."

"She broke up with him."

Axl got offended quickly. "No, Sean. She didn't. He proposed and she said she didn't want to get married then he said that he couldn't be with her if she didn't want the same thing. He broke up with Sue. You're taking his side?"

_Oh crap. We're fighting._

"No. I just didn't know the whole story," I said.

"Oh," said Axl.

Darrin shows up with Shelby. She wore a lot of make up and Mrs. Heck made a comment about her looking like a street walker. He gave up sweet little Sue for this. He traded a Mustang for a bicycle.

"I'm ready for the movie."

This is going to be a long night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this story hasn't disappointed anyone. I have a lot planned, so I hope it doesn't suck.


	4. Another Brick in the Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Sean and Axl's date.

The date. Sean and I have a date. I picked reservoir dogs. The movie my parents watched when they fell in love. Well, it was the movie that made my dad ask my mom out for a second date. She said she liked it, when she really didn't.

Why did I choose it? _It's a date movie, obviously. Right?_

_Focus, Axl, you have school._ Who can focus on school when you have a man-date?

I grip my hair and tug hard. Ugh. Why am I doing this? I don't like Sean like that. _Do I?_

"Hey, Axl," called a familiar voice that send shivers down my spine.

Weird Ashley. The bane of existence. She hugs me. Why is she touching me?

"I think we should have lunch together," she said. I can't deal with feelings I may or may not have for my best friend and deal with being cursed by Weird Ashley.

We eat lunch together. I spot Sue in the cafe with her new roommate, Lexi, and wave them over

"Ashley, I didn't know you go here."

"Hi, Axl," said Lexi.

"Hey." _You're too cute to be Sue's friend._

"Axl is my boyfriend so please keep your distance."

"Ok," said Lexi.

"Aw, Axl, I didn't know you were dating Ashley."

I give Sue a look and she understands.

Lexi and Sue talked about their clubs and other boring stuff but I was happy to have them over as a distraction from Ashley who petted me and gave me a squeeze.

"I heard Sean is staying at our house," said Sue. "Is everything OK at home?"

"Nope. For once the perfect Donahue's aren't so perfect."

"What happened?"

_I wish I knew, Sue._

"Listen, Sue, do you think the three of you might like to have a girl's night?"

"That sounds so fun," said Lexi.

"We can talk about wedding plans," said Ashley. I bang my head on the table.

I go home as soon as I can to learn that Sean had made dinner. He made a mountain of mac and cheese and smiled at me as I ate it by the forkful. Mom joked about keeping him.

"Ugh, Darrin's coming over?" I don't want to see him or his stupid face after he tried to force Sue into marriage. You can't just force your friends sisters into marriage. That's not cool. "We'll talk about this after my shower."

I choose to wear tight pants. _Gotta ogle the goods!_

After some brief arguing I give up and concede to Sean. I don't want to ruin the date. Halfway through the movie Darrin and Shelby give up and start making out. I lean against Sean. Somehow I fit there. I take a deep breath and wrap his big arm around myself.

_Why am I doing this?_ I'm not attracted to Sean. _Am I?_

I place my hand on his thigh and rub little circles with my thumb. He shifts and holds me better. I notice him liking what I'm doing so I keep doing it. _He has really muscular thighs._

I reach over and put my palm on the outside of his jeans and rub, but only for a minute. I stop.

_What am I doing! This is so gay. I shouldn't do this._

Sean pushes me away and disappears down the hall. Darrin and Shelby resurface.

"I think we should go," Darrin said.

_Good._ He shouldn't have been here anyway. We haven't spoken much since he tried to marry Sue. I know we're friends and everything but I don't really miss him that much.

Sean comes back in with my Mom behind him. She is holding a blanket and pillow and makes me get off the couch. She makes Sean a spot on the couch.

"I thought you were sleeping with me," I say to Sean. He won't look at me.

"Not tonight."

_Oh we will see about that._ What am I saying? Why does this mean so much to me?

I am not gay. I'm definitely not into Sean. But he's my friend. We can share a bed if we want. Mom is being totally unfair.

"Good night, Axl," said Mom.

At quarter after one I sneak out of bed. Sean is reading a book on Brick's iPad. I run and jump ontop of him.

"Hey," said Sean.

_Pet me, dammit._ Sean wraps a lose curl around his finger and avoids eye contact.

"So, I ran into Weird Ashley today." I am sitting up on top of him now. I'm very much aware how close my butt is to his groin. I grind against him. He puts his hands on my hips and glides me into a rhythm. _This is gay._

"What was that like?"

"She thinks we're dating."

"That's nothing new." His tone held something there I couldn't quite place. Possessiveness? Jealousy?

"She's so weird. Hey. I want you to meet my friend Hutch."

I suddenly feel very weird and become aware of what I am doing. I slap Sean's stomach in a very bro way. Now that those weird urges are gone. We can be bros again. I climb off him and sit in the chair next to the couch to talk to Sean. _Good._ _Moment passed. I thought for a second…nope._

"You have friends beside me and Darrin?"

"Yeah. Hutch and Kenny. You'd like Hutch. He's great."

"Yeah arrange something. That's cool."

"Awesome. Good night."

I go back to my room feeling awesome having gotten that out of my system. I shake it off. That was weird. Why did I feel that way?

Whatever its gone now. I don't understand where those urges came from in the first place. I look over at Brick who is sleeping soundly.

Why was Sean so ok with everything I did? He should have stopped me. I would have stopped him. I don't understand. _Is he gay?_

 


	5. Sue-Spicious

The weekend after our date was tough. Axl and I couldn't really be around each other without one of us getting weird. Me mostly me. I got weird.

Axl groped me. I thought about that every second of every day since it happened. Even in the shower. _Get a grip, Sean._

Then he grinded against me at night. It was as if he wanted me then suddenly didn't and I am not sure what that means.

This is why the sight of Axl doing his laundry made my heart flutter. We are completely alone. _Make a move._

I sit Axl on top of the dryer. The vibration makes him giggle. He nuzzles his head against my chest and suddenly I picture him with ears and a tail. _Get your head out of the gutter, Sean._

"Do you want to meet Hutch?" Axl asked as he avoided looking in my eyes. I twirled a curl around my finger and let it go. _He's so pretty._

"Sure." I stroked his cheek. He gasped. I felt him shiver and I backed away.

"Your mom will be home any second."

Axl jumped off the dryer and resumed folding. I decided I wanted to use the computer so I could still flirt with Axl. He smacked me with a towel.

"Guess what?" Sue asked bouncing on her feet. "Logan asked me on a date."

"Good for you, Susie Q," I said. She hugged me around the neck.

"Who is Logan some pathetic nerd?"

"He's one of the Abercrombie guys who stand outside shirtless."

"You're dating an Abercrombie model?" Axl and I ask at the same time but probably for different reasons.

"Yes. Is that so hard to believe?"

"You dated Darrin," Axl squeaked. Sue groaned and walked away. "She dated Darrin. Come on. You can't credit her taste."

"Darrin's a great guy."

"Darrin's an idiot. You're a great guy. You should be the standard Sue sets for all men."

I blushed a little. Ok. I blushed a lot. Axl sat down on my lap in the computer chair and I stared at him confused. _I want you._

"You're…" suddenly a surge of heteronormativity hit him and he bolted off my lap faster than a bullet from a gun.

"Don't pull away," I say and Axl reconsiders for a moment. He sits back on my lap and I hold him tight. He belongs right here.

"You're soft," Axl whispered. And I hold on to him like someone is trying to take him away. He presses his nose to my collar bone. I feel something occurring south of the border as Axl kisses my cheek.

It isn't until I slid a hand under his shirt that Axl pulled back. He climbed off me and resumed his laundry with a noticeable pinkness in his cheeks.

"Guys," said Sue, coming back wearing a vibrant yellow dress. She looked adorable.

"You look amazing," I tell her. Axl doesn't insult her. And that was when _he_ walked in. One of the singularly most beautiful men I have ever seen.

"This is Logan."

Wow. Speechless.

"Hey," said Logan.

"That is my brother Axl and his… friend Sean."

She paused. Why did she pause? Did she see us?

Logan was making me sweat. I rubbed my hands on my palms but they were still clammy. And when he stepped forward I stared at his ass.

"You're dating my sister?" Axl said.

"Yeah," he said.

Axl didn't say anything after that. He looked venomous. I can't figure out why. Logan and Sue moved along to meet Frankie who just got home. Axl and I stood facing them.

"Wow," I said.

Axl kicked the dryer shut and stormed out. He grunted a hello to his mom and I heard his bedroom door slam.

Was he jealous? No. He couldn't be. I wasn't interested in Logan. He's attractive sure but I don't want him.

"Mom," said Brick. "Axl wants to talk to you."

Brick sat at the kitchen island reading and I snuck a long to eavesdrop.

"Would that be the worst thing?" I heard Axl ask. Apparently I missed the beginning.

"No. But Axl are you sure?" _Is he coming out?_

"For a few weeks now. I'm more certain of that than anything."

"Ok. Well, I don't have a problem with it."

I shouldn't be hearing this. I should start dinner. Frankie joins me and we make a dinner of fresh food rather than frozen and no more junk food.

Axl comes out of his room with his eyes red. My heart stings in my chest. He's been crying. I knew Axl was a crier. He always was but this is different.

"You ok?" Brick asked.

"I'm quitting football. I'm going to apply for student loans to finish off college. Let's face it I'm never going to play for the Colts."

So that's what they were discussing. I'm a huge idiot. I thought I upset him. I didn't. Good. Though I am a little bummed he wasn't jealous.

"Dad's not gonna be happy," said Brick.

"I'm 22. It's my decision."

"Good for you, man."

And throughout dinner Axl gave me a look. I don't know what it means. But when we put the dishes away and finished Scandal Axl and I went outside to shoot some hoops.

Suddenly Axl looked over his shoulder then ran at me and leapt into my arms. He kissed me on the cheek and I nearly lost balance.

"Sleep in my bed tonight," Axl suggested.

I nodded, patted his thigh and put him down. We went back to the game. I beat him twice.

After everyone in the house was asleep I snuck into Axl and Brick's room.

Axl wasn't wearing a shirt when I got in his bed. He snuggled into me and made me pay attention to him. I petted his hair and let him nuzzle me.

Frankie and Mike won't be happy.

 


	6. Frankie, My Dear, I Don't Give A Damn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axl has an encounter with a boy at school.

Sean is sleeping in my bed tonight. I can't think straight. _Literally._ Not a single thought in my head lately has been of women. They've been all about a certain someone.

I pick out my tightest boxers and climb in bed to wait. Brick went to sleep two hours ago.

I feel the weight of my bed shift under Sean. I immediately snuggle him. He allows me to nuzzle him and hold his hand.

I lay across his chest and he holds me tight. I grope and feel my way down his body. My hand rested on his crotch and I know I could if I wanted to. _Do I want to?_

Instead I content myself giving him kisses on the cheek and neck. Not ready for the lips yet.

I don't want to ruin anything. And kissing Sean would be rushing into a relationship. I'm not ready. _Am I?_

We fall asleep together. Sean kisses my cheek in the morning and gives my ass a gentle slap. I paw at him.

"You're amazing," Sean says.

And then he's gone. Out to find a job. I spend the whole day at school in a daze. I dodged Weird Ashley twice.

As I cross the quad Sue grabs my hand and pulls me along. We stop in the gazebo where Taco and Pauly Ullman got caught doing inappropriate stuff. _Who knew about Taco?_

"Ok, Axl, what's going on with you and Sean?"

I hesitate. Sue is giving me a knowing look and its creepy how much she looks like Dad right now. I could lie. But I don't.

I force Sue to sit as I pace back and forth telling her everything. At the end she gives me a huge dork smile and says she is proud of me and is a huge supporter of Brad _. Whatever that means_.

"Why are you hiding this from Mom and Dad?"

I sit down.

"They have such high expectations of me. I'm the oldest. It's a lot of pressure. I just don't want to disappoint them."

Now she's giving me that look again before she hugs me.

"You won't disappoint them, Axl. Mom and Dad are relaxed parents. They aren't going to disown you."

I nod even though I'm not convinced. Sue is nodding at me encouragingly.

"One more thing, don't bring Logan around. I don't like the way Sean looks at him."

Sue beamed. I got up and decided to walk her to class. Maybe we can lunch together later this week. Something must be wrong with me if I'm being nice to Sue.

I leave Sue at her history class and walk along campus alone and with my thoughts. Do I like Sean? This is so new to me.

I don't know how to be into girls _and_ guys. With girls it's easy. I can be charming and I'm told I'm a great kisser, but with guys it's awkward.

Should I practice? I mean, it couldn't hurt to try picking up a guy, just for practice.

I spent forty-five minutes walking around campus trying to find the perfect guy to flirt with and then I found him. Blond, lanky, cute I guess. I'm sure mom would like him. He's not my type. _Not that I have a type._

I start walking his direction then chicken out and walk away. I take a deep breath and try to quell the anxiety bubbling up. I give it another go. _Maybe he is slightly my type._

"Hey," I say shakily. He turns to look at me as he lights a cigarette. _Ew a smoker, gross_. But I proceed. "So, uh, do you like football? I'm on the team?"

"Yeah?" He asked. Oh crap, he's leaning in. _Abort. Abort._ I panic. He's touching me. I mutter out some excuse and turn to leave but he doesn't let me get away. "Hang on. You're really cute."

_Let me go. Let me go._ Man this guy is strong. I stop struggling when he spins me around to face him.

"I need to meet my sister," I lie. _Sue. I need you_.

"She can wait. What's your name, cupcake?"  
"Axl," I whispered. He pets me. I try to get away and think biting him might help.

I don't hear the person who approached but I am so glad they did.

"Let him go," said some girl. "This is the problem on campus. Not even boys are safe from predatory males. Let him go or I'll spray you in the face with Pepper Spray."

She and two of her friends wedge me free. I don't look at them. This was a disaster. I'm flirting with strange guys ever again.

"Geez, he never actually said no."

"Get out of here before I call campus security," the girl handed me a rape whistle and gave me a bottle of water and she and her friends waited for safe ride with me. I have them take me to Sue's dorm. I didn't say a word. "You're safe now. I have always been telling people that girls aren't the only victims of sexual violence."

They leave and I feel like an idiot. Maybe I'm not ready for guys. _Except Sean._ He's kind and gentle.

I have a key to Sue's room. I plan to snuggle Woofy Dog and take a long nap, which turns out to be about a two hour nap, because I wake up to someone tapping me. Sue and Mom are staring at me.

"Are you ok?" Sue asked. "Lacy McKenna told me what happened to you and I called Mom."

Mom was trying to hold me. I struggled to get away from her but she won. She petted me. Ugh. She's always trying to snuggle me for some reason.

"Sean can't stay with us anymore," Mom said. "Now, don't say anything but we don't want you two to, you know, with Brick in the house."

"He's fourteen he's not an idiot. And Sean is staying or I'm not coming home."

I mean it. Mom bites her lip. She pets me and concedes. I ride home with her and she talks to me about safe sex and I groan and attempt to jump from the car.

"Always wear a condom, Axl. I mean it."

"I'm twenty-two, Mom. I know how to have sex."

"Do you? We never really talk about it. Who did you lose your virginity to? Have you been with any guys besides Sean?"

I regret getting in the car. I bang my head on the dashboard.

"Cassidy. No guys. Not even Sean. This is embarrassing."

"See you're opening up. I don't know why you didn't want to tell me."

When we finally arrive home, I kiss the mailbox. That was the longest 42 minutes of my life.

Sean is wearing an apron and holding a tray of brownies when I walk in the door and my brain and heart somehow become one and I melt a little.

"Hey, at least he can cook," mom nudges and I die of embarrassment.

"Hey," I say looking at my feet. The earlier encounter still fresh on my mind.

"Hey," says Sean and he pulls me in close shamelessly. I let him pet me and I kiss his cheek. He pulls away. I feel lost without him.  
"Sean?"

"Oh, I got a job today."

"That's great."

"Yeah." And then he's back in my arms until I hear the door. _Dad._ _I'm not ready for him to know._ I put some distance between us.

 


	7. I Bradley Touched You

I don't know what is different in Axl but for two weeks it's been secret bed times snuggles, grinding, face and neck kisses, hand holding, hugging in front of Frankie, and today he sat on my lap while we watched a movie with Frankie. _Why am I complaining? This is what I wanted._

But I can't get him to kiss me. I wonder if I should just kiss him. Twice I cornered him today and touched his bare skin and he practically climbed to the top of the fridge like a cat.

It is Axl who initiated the wrestling match in the living room that ended up being more tantalizing than either of us expected. I got a huge boner and Axl was panting and pawing at me to touch him. I touched his stomach and he got up and hauled ass to the bathroom.

I wait outside the bathroom for Axl. He presses his face against my chest and takes a deep breath. _He's really cute sometimes._

"Let's go on a real date," he said.

"No. That's not necessary."

"You're turning me down?"

He looks so hurt. I have to explain.

"It's not necessary because we are well past that stage. We don't need to get to know each other. We already do." I stroke his face and run a hand through those amazing curls.

"But it would have been nice to sit in a booth with you dressed up," he said not looking at me.

"Do you have money?" He shook his head.

I kissed his cheek and he held my hand. I wanted to scare his demons away. Whatever it was that troubled him I wanted gone. I pull him in close and we sway to no music.

The mood is killed by Frankie who comes in to break it up because Mike is having the guys over to watch the game.

"We could hang out in the basement," Axl suggested and we raced each other down stairs.

Axl sat on my lap and let me pepper kisses on his neck. The desire to do more swelling inside me. I have to ask. I should ask. I don't ask.

"I'm glad we're taking it slow," Axl said. I'm not. But I don't tell him.

He kissed my neck and face and fingers and I can stand it anymore. I go in for his mouth. He's not ready. But instead of it killing the mood he simply switches legs and stays put on my lap, ignoring my erection.

"Axl, I have seen you kiss girls on the first date. What's going on?"

"It's different with guys. I'm not ready yet."

He climbed off my lap. But I still hold him. _Good going, Sean._

"Ready to admit you're bi?"

"I am not ready to touch boys or be touched by boys. I flirted with a guy at school and he wouldn't let me go. I don't want to think about what he wanted to do to me. I don't know exactly. It was scary and weird and I'm not ready ok?"

I didn't know any of that. Now I felt like an asshole. I let Axl go but he wanted to hold him.

"Whenever you're ready," I say.

And it kills me. And its not Axl who pulls away. The sexual tension between us has left me a horny mess. The desire to find someone willing to help me creeps up, but I refuse to cheat on Axl.

Not cheating on Axl is so difficult. I have an itch I need to scratch. Its consuming me. I have taken two cold showers today to cool off and I need more.

Its how I ended up in a gay bar. A cute guy is willing to hand himself over to me but I feel guilty. I feel cheap and guilty. I stand up, thinking about going with him.

I don't go through with it. I leave before do something I regret. Axl is waiting for me at the Heck house. He looks sad. I grab him, pull him close and ensure him I am not going anywhere. Because I'm not.

We go the basement and before I can even think Axl puts his lips on mine. It's a soft slow kiss but I feel it everywhere.

I lean Axl back on the pool table and consume his mouth with mine. He is moaning into our kiss. Wow. He really is a good kisser. I always knew it, but now I have experience with it.

We don't stop for a long time. I want more. Axl takes off his shirt and allows me to touch him, so I kiss him everywhere I can see. I bite his shoulders and his collar bone and leave my mark on him.

"I'm ready," Axl whispered. His voice may say that, but his body language is saying he's still afraid. I don't blame him. I would be too.

But I don't take what I want from him. He's my best friend; I can't take advantage of him like that. It would be very wrong of me. Instead I go down on him. He screamed out in delight as he blew his load in my mouth. Just having this part of him in my mouth made my whole body tremble.

"You can have more," Axl says quietly.

"No. I don't believe you really want that."

"I saw you go to that club," Axl said.

"I didn't do anything I swear."

"I'm not actually ready," Axl admitted.

"I know."

"I just didn't want you to be with him."

"I know."

I pet him. He leans into me. I kiss his cheek, nose, mouth, neck. Axl purrs like a kitten. I stop kissing him and stare at him.

"Am I your boyfriend?" he asked. _Fuck yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. My husband if you like._

"Yes. You're my boyfriend."

_Holy shit._


	8. Oh Mike Goodness!

The blond smoker cornered me on campus. Smokey was dead set on winning me. I was pinned against the side of the business building, in the corner, surrounded by trees and no one was around. _Someone help me!_

Smokey had a hold of me. One hand was holding me against the wall the other was holding a cigarette to his lips. He blew smoke in my face. _Gross._

"I can't stop thinking about you. I told my friends about sexy Axl and they nicknamed you 'sexl' and I now I can't stop saying it."

He's very close and very serious right now. He lowers his voice to speak to me like a lover. I make eye contact out of fear.

"What do you want?" I asked.

Instead of asking he began to take what he wanted. He kissed my chin, lips, and neck, and then pulled my shirt down to expose one shoulder which he bit.

"I want you."

I shove at him. I want him to get away from me.

"I have someone waiting," I said.

He nibbled on my ear. It felt great, but this is still wrong. I'm cheating on Sean. _I like Sean. Sean wouldn't do this._ I don't want this jerk. I push him away from me but he comes right back at it even more sexually aggressive.

He sticks his hand down my pants and I punch him. He holds me down with tremendous force and starts to yank my pants down. I put up a fight.

"Axl," said a familiar voice from the trees. I have never been happier to see Weird Ashley in my life. She throws a big rock at Smokey and he backs off a bit. He hasn't released me.

"Fuck off," he says before trying to take off my pants.

"He's my boyfriend," said Weird Ashley.

She jumps on him and knocks him over then extends her hand to me. I straighten my clothes as quickly as I can. We run off together. When I'm in a safe place I give her a really big kiss right on the mouth and hug her tight.

"Thanks," I tell her.

"You need to be more careful, Axl."

I allow her to hold my hand. She earned it. _Is this enough of a thank you?_ We walk to class together. She agreed to meet me to walk me to my car after.

"Don't worry I put a curse on that guy," she whispered when I met up with her after class.

"That's comforting."

I have every intention of throwing myself at Sean when I get home. He's getting something special tonight.

I greet Sean with a kiss on the lips that turns deeper every minute. _I can't feel my legs._ We come up for air after a while and I drag him to my room. I kick Brick out.

I make Sean sit on my bed as I get between his legs. This is my first time doing this but I have had it done to me so I know how it works.

When I am done I lay on top of Sean and he holds me. We kiss for several long minutes before either of us speaks.

"What made you decide to do that?"

"I just wanted to," I told him. I came clean about Smokey and the incident and Weird Ashley.

"I would have kissed her too," he said as he leans in to kiss me. "Not cheating, but thanks for asking."

"What counts?" I ask curiously.

"Not that. Kissing someone for saving your life is not cheating. Kissing someone if you're in a play is not cheating. Being kissed on or kissing someone on the cheek is not cheating."

I make mental note. Sean hugs me tight. I bite his chin.

"Being forcibly kissed by rapey assholes also doesn't count."

We talk about the parameters of our relationship and I toss out the exclusivity of it. We see only each other.

"You're super cute, by the way. I've had the hots for you since high school."

And he earns himself another blow job. Sean reciprocates by giving me the best blow job I have ever had in my life. I am seeing stars afterwards. _Wow. Where did he learn that?_

"When do we have sex?" Sean asks.

I tense up. I'm still not ready but I don't want to be rude.

"I need more time. Please hang in there."

"Its getting hard. Literally. I don't know if I can manage."

"Try."

And we skip dinner to make out. Dad, Mom, and Brick all walk in a few times but don't say anything. They just turn around and leave.

Later in the evening, mom and dad call me and Sean into the living room. We can barely stay away from each other. I sit on Sean's lap and he bites my neck and tickles my rib cage and I wiggle against his groin and Dad gets frustrated.

"I understand you're both adults. But I don't want to see this in the house. So I have decided that you two can move into the basement."

And we spend all day the next moving my bed downstairs and then we spend all night blowing each other and wrestling and kissing and being together.

One rainy afternoon while I am sitting on top of Sean while he is lying on his back mostly naked I yank his underwear off and straddle him.

"I want to do it."

And we do. And it fucking hurt like hell. But Sean was gentle. And then it felt good. Then I was on his lap and it felt even better.  
And the third time was out of this world. He rocked my world. _I don't want a girl for a while._

Finally Sean smacked my ass and admitted he was done for the night. I wore him out.

"If I knew this was what I was missing I would have done it sooner." _A lot sooner._

And we both laughed.

 


End file.
